More Druid, less drained – work with your natural cycles and get the richest harvest.

by Lynda Holt

I love this time of year, it’s a great reflection period for me, intuitively tied to the seasons. 

I think that it helps that it’s around the time of my birthday so there is a natural closing of one cycle and start of another. This is perhaps less steeped in neuroscience and more in connectedness than some of my work, because I absolutely believe we are impacted by our environment, whether that be nature or the environment we create for ourselves.

Late summer is the period we harvest and see the results of our year’s labour. We also have to be pragmatic about whether it is enough to sustain us, whether there is more than we need and all of this informs how we move into the next cycle. I feel a real affinity to the Druid year which starts at the autumn equinox in September, moves through the year attuned to nature, ending with celebration and reaping of rewards late August before the cycle starts again.

Late summer into autumn is the period we harvest and see the results of our year’s labour. That old saying “you reap what you sow” comes to mind. It’s a time to look, to question whether what you created and harvested was what you wanted, did your dreams, plans and reality match up? It’s a period of reflection, of understanding, of preparing and planning for the next cycle by gathering the knowledge, learnings and wisdom from your reflections and results and cultivating your ‘land’. For me this is about making sure I know what I want to grow (both in myself and my business) and making sure I am ready for that growth.

Then comes the winter – and while this sounds a bit sinister, it is the rotting of the dead, the breaking down of unused things and most critically of letting go – if you don’t let go of what no longer serves you, you have no room for different or new ways. This letting go of the dead or decaying simply makes way for renewal, recycling and rebirth.  This winter period is also a time for restoring, for resting and for refilling, for many people it is a time of going home – or going into yourself, or reconnecting and honouring. Of course, in real terms these activities relate to you and to your relationships with others, where do you need to be more connected, and what do you need to let go of in order to prepare for new seeds. 

As we move into spring, we sow our seeds and long before we actually see the seeds we’ve sown, the real nurturing starts – this is the feeding and watering, the maintaining environmental balance that allows new seeds to take hold. Think about what happens for you and for your business – whether it is fuelling your inner fire, nurturing relationships, being brave enough to get out there and risk elements. If we want to thrive, this takes some real effort and energy and it rewards us with blossom, with strengthening shoots and strong roots. There is a real need for connectedness in this period, of collaborating forces – whether it be sun and rain, working together on projects or simply having each other’s backs to ensure crops are tended fully; this growth does not happen in isolation.

And summer. A time of growth and maturation, of visibility and shining: think bright sun, flowers blooming, less shadow to lurk in. It is a period that starts off busy and gets less so as the crops are harvested, as we start to relax and enjoy what we have created – traditionally where we holiday and enjoy the long sun filled days – even in the UK!  And as the harvest is complete the cycle starts again. As we come towards the end of summer, I always feel like it’s time to celebrate what has been achieved however big or small, and gently focus energy and effort towards the next cycle.

To do this I ask myself the following questions:

1) Am I harvesting what I expected to be? 

2) What preparation do I need to be doing for next year’s harvest? 

3) Am I clear about what I’m growing, what I expect to yield, and is my environment going to cultivate my crop?

And if you want to craft the next stage of your journey with me, join us at BraveFest on 27^th– 29^thSeptember, where we will be combining practical business strategies with neuroscience, mindset and personal growth while spending time with nature enjoying some outdoor activities and campfires. The best combo of a luxury venue with countryside surround – camp, glamp or farmhouse B&B to suit your own style.  Find out more www.bravefest.co.uk

Be Fulfilled, Not Comfortable

by Lynda Holt

As humans, we can be intensely complex beings with seemingly conflicting needs and an incredible knack for self-sabotage. Two of those potentially conflicting needs are fulfilment and comfort. The relationship between fulfilment and comfort is an interesting one, when we don’t feel fulfilled we often opt comfort, often at the expense of what we really want from life.  

Contribution plays a big part in this, but it is not as straight forward as just contributing, doing something good for others, or making a difference. Our sense of contribution is much more closely interwoven with our sense of fulfilment than it is with the difference we actually make. 

Most humans crave significance, for their life to have meaning and I believe that this is the objective truth for most people – we all make a difference to someone or something just by our very existence. Yet it is too often not the perceived internal truth because to feel significant, or like you have contributed, you have to feel fulfilled. 

It is quite possible to feel fulfilled while still experiencing stress, pressure, working hard – feeling fulfilled doesn’t mean you have to have the perfect life. It does mean you have to stop and appreciate what you have. It usually means what you are doing has to matter to you, and you have to feel like you are adding value for others in some way. It also means you are probably pushing the edges of your comfort zone most of the time, you are likely to get it wrong sometimes and you won’t always have the impact you hoped you might. When this happens, most people default to one of two behaviours:

1) You do more and more, give more, and hustle to get heard/seen/ noticed. 

2) You settle and opt for what you know you can do, what others expect and are plagued by ‘what ifs’.

These two things rob you of your sense of fulfilment. This is why we see outwardly very successful people, people who look like there are making a big difference, feeling like they are not good enough in some way. 

This is where the interplay between fulfilment and comfort comes in. If you don’t feel you are making an impact; your actions, or life, don’t have significance; or that you aren’t influencing the things that matter to you, it is unlikely you will feel fulfilled. Most people when unfulfilled seek comfort – and this comfort can take many forms from literal comfort of your sofa, TV & glass of wine to unconscious comfort of playing small, sticking to what you know and not taking any risks. Now both of those things are perfectly ok every now and then. They are not ok when they become a habit or excessive or are associated with destructive self-talk. They will certainly not make you feel more fulfilled in the longer term.

The whole concept of fulfilment being can be traced back to Greek times, with Aristotle articulating the common belief that the purpose of life was not to be happy, but to reach eudaimonia, which he describes as human flourishing, or the achievement of the highest human good – although it has translated into happiness in modern times, its origins are more with fulfilment of purpose, having a worthwhile life. 

For me, fulfilment is a state of mind; a way of being and it comes down to what you are focussed on. Your sense of self-worth and internal programming are hugely important, so being aware of your own stories, traps and excuses is critical, as is a strategy for managing or changing any unhelpful dialogue or internal beliefs.

First, get clear about what makes you feel fulfilled – this might be tiny: the small buzz you get when you’ve helped someone out, the laugh of your child, completing a crossword puzzle, beating your own run time. It might already be huge: the impact your workshop had on the lives of people, the pleasure your photo’s of a special family event gave your client, your time sorting and structuring accounting processes for your client. This fulfilment might be transient for you, it might even feel like business as usual, but it is that small buzz, that sense of satisfaction of a job well done, that connection with another human, that difference made that is your significance. It is on these feelings you foster and amplify your sense of fulfilment and subsequent contribution.     

So once you get clear about what those things that make you feel fulfilled are – and remember they might be small to start with – follow these three steps to consolidate and grow your state of fulfilment so that it becomes one of your go to emotional states.

1. Practice gratitude – I know this is much talked about, but what you focus on is generally what you get more of because that is what your brain is looking for, so why wouldn’t you consciously put some effort into the good stuff?
2. Celebrate your successes, however small. Sometimes we are so busy moving forward we forget to stop and enjoy the moment, or to acknowledge what we have achieved. Invest time in this – not to boast to others, but to raise your own self-worth, to give yourself some credit, and to internally catalogue your achievements.
3. Keep contributing. Focus on the areas that matter to you, show up and know that even the tiniest of contributions matter – even a kind word can make a massive difference to someone. You don’t need to wait until you can make a massive difference or change the world, you just need to start, little action after little action.

Final word – living a fulfilled live or achieving eudaimonia, is an inside job. That means it is within your control and your power to get there. Focus and you will find it, and if you want to share your journey, join us in the Brave Virtual Coworking group.

Have We Got the Whole Why Thing Wrong?

by Lynda Holt

It’s a deliberately provocative question, and no, I don’t think we have it wrong, but I do think we are putting the emphasis in the wrong places when it comes to building your tribe.

 

It feels a bit like the world has gone ‘why’ mad at the moment – as a result some people are becoming rather self-indulgent about their purpose, sometimes at the expense of connection with the people they want to work with. This is perhaps because we are getting too contrived about why statements, about wanting to have a dramatic story about why we do what we do, or a really compelling reason for being in the business we are in. Sure, a compelling why story helps you to sell in the moment – but it only helps you to genuinely connect and build a community if it is true, if people trust you and if it something that matters to them too.

 

Simon Sinek, author of Start with Why, says “Mistaking our work as our why can make us miserable even when, to the eyes of the world, we seem wildly successful.”

 

I think the whole ‘why’ thing serves two purposes, it helps you to be really clear about what drives you and it helps you to lead others – whether in business, socially or in your family.

 

For most of us, our why or purpose is much more about who we are as a human being. Mine, for example is to be an enabler, on the face of it not very glamourous – but underneath that are a whole load of values that underpin who I am in the world, the footprint I want to leave behind, and what I am prepared to do or not. These values, this why, transcends my life – I don’t just show up like this at work, I’m like it as a friend, as a mother, as a daughter, in my social life – it’s who I am.  Most people who have truly nailed their why would say the same – this is who I am.

 

I could, and have, wrapped my why up in mission statement for my life. Sometimes I share bits or all of it when speaking, writing and working with clients. Most often it is a guide for myself – when I get tempted to veer off course, as we all do, it is a reminder of why I am here. I still choose whether to take the detour or not, but I have a point of reference.

 

Often, it’s not complicated – we know who we are, why we are on the planet, even if it sounds a bit too pretentious, or grandiose to say it out loud. The trouble is as soon as you start with the ‘this is too big for me’ thinking, your reason for being here starts to get lost. It gets buried, layered underneath who you think you should be, what you think others expect of you and what you know you can live up to. This is also known as fitting in, settling and playing small! Once this happens you are on a downward spiral in my view, your world shrinks, your confidence drops and you become governed by your excuses. The way you connect with others changes, and not for the better.

 

Absolutely, you have to be really clear about why you do what you do – for yourself. It keeps you going in tough times, it helps you to do scary stuff or step out of your comfort zone. It keeps you growing into the person you are here to be.

 

Part of being that person is leading others and in this context, I am talking about through your business, although it could well be in other parts of your life. It is in business that I think the why emphasis has got slightly skewed. Being able to articulate your why is important – but only in so far as it helps others to connect, to trust and to follow you.

 

But, and it’s a big but, if you start talking about your why, or your purpose, make sure it’s truly who you are, not what you think sounds good, what you think other people want or what you think people will get behind, because if you don’t believe in it it will show. When something is not quite right, someone is not quite what they say, you pick it up from their vibe, their physiology, sometimes even their discomfort – the same is true for the people you want to connect with.

 

When it comes to creating connection and building your community, having clarity about your why massively helps you to create emotional connection – but, and this is really important, people connect because something matters to them – not because it matters to you!

 

So yes, you need to be able to articulate your why, you also need to be super helpful around the things that matter to them. This is where the story (or stories) around your why become really important – not drama filled, just real, connecting and serving the greater good. The emphasis here is on helping others to connect with and address the things that matter to them. You won’t do this through contrived and rehearsed why statements, clever and somewhat embroiled stories of adversity, or content that is all about you.  This is about being brave enough to connect human to human, to hold space for others to connect and to gently take them on a journey with you.

 

How? 

Park your need to be right, to look good or to be all-knowing; just be yourself, be curious about the other person and they will tell you how (or if) to develop your connection.